Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
