I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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