What did we do last night that was yellow?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
