You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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