This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
