Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
