thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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