John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
