Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
