4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
