I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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