then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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