1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am available for nakedness
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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