I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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