So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
