Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
