shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
