I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
