jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
