My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
