Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So many bounce houses so little time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
