I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize