oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
