MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize