Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
