I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
