basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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