I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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