I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
