it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
