Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
