My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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