Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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