After last night, I could never be a politician.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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