dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
