Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
