Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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