well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
