i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
