respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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