I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
