I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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