the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize