No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
