Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
