I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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