Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
