and you said cock pushups were impossible
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize