loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I FOUND THE LEGS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
