After last night, I could never be a politician.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
