Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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