So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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