I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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