We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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