Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
