It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
