Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
