Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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