Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
