like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just had sex on a roof
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
