oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
