I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was like eating out sand paper
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize