well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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