im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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