I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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