Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
