I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
