I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
