the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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