Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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